They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
