How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
