i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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