At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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