pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
God, I missed his penis.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize