I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
