Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
