I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
