The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
