I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
