what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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