two words: eviction party
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
