I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
