We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
