i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Drunk is not a location!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
