there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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