i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
