the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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