I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
