i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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