Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
