Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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