I think I won the penis lottery.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize