They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
That's intense
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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