Have you finally orgasmed yet?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
