People in love make me want to vomit
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Of course I have a pirate flag
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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