and you said cock pushups were impossible
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
