ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
