I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
