My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So many bounce houses so little time
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
