He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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