Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
