I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
