you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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