Ambien. No doubt about it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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