She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
