I accidentally had phone sex last night
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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