if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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