Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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