My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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