Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Princesses don't give blow jobs
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
