I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I supernannyed him into submission
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
