My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
