I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
