You can't motorboat a personality
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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