so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
