im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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