he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
