and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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