dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
