I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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