I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
how drunk are you?
Several
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
