We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
