On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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