The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
