office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
