I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
