Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
