Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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