So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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