She announced her abortion via fbk
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
