We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
