You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
