Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
