Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
