Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
