So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
