So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Buhtt sex?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
