she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
