Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
