It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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